So yesterday was a shit show. Minutes after I woke up all the way til I passed out.
Wake up, get dressed, blah blah blah. Go to get my lunch out of the fridge (leftover pizza) and my future stepson strait up ate half of it in the middle of night. For no reason, knew it was my lunch etc. I didn't go to grab it til it was time leave so had no way to make something else.
So, when I get in the kid I just throw it at him (gently tossed at) and all I could say is "really?" "I know." this kid is 14 all I could think is "fuck you." I was so pissed. And his mom didn't say shit to him. That is a huge isse I have really. I feel like she is inconsistent in disciplining her kids and it leads to them never fucking listening and just doing wtf they want. But that is very hard to deal with. As I've mentioned the stealing etc etc.
Work went by quick at least, even today went by fast at least.
When I got home I started going through all my old relics of the past. I keep a "chest" of old things friends have given me over the years, letters, sentimental things. I enjoy reading old love letters the most I think. Really highlights the fact that people are so full of shit (myself included.) You will read some of the fakest shit ever from people you really thought cared if you read over old letters. No wonder I don't trust anyone.
Naturally after having a shitty day I started drinking. Then I was drinking while reading that shit and just the right mood I suppose. I started to feel like I was gonna hurt myself. And A: I don't wanna do that anymore. B: I can't afford to be hospitalized etc, and I would lose my job. I drank like 10 beers in 3 hours and took 7 valium and kinda blacked out. Like to the point Amanda shaved my head and I don't fucking remember it happening. Was nice surprise when I woke up though. I apologized as soon as I woke because most people are dicks when they blackout.
Apparently I didn't do anything bad except try to shave my head and so she stopped me and did it for me (thank god.) All she told me I did beside that was cry at her and self criticize myself a lot. Could have gone worse I guess.
Today was rough though just feeling hungover.
Sunday after I wrote my last post I just laid in the dark under a cover for the rest of the day and getting high and being depressed af.
Wake up, get dressed, blah blah blah. Go to get my lunch out of the fridge (leftover pizza) and my future stepson strait up ate half of it in the middle of night. For no reason, knew it was my lunch etc. I didn't go to grab it til it was time leave so had no way to make something else.
So, when I get in the kid I just throw it at him (gently tossed at) and all I could say is "really?" "I know." this kid is 14 all I could think is "fuck you." I was so pissed. And his mom didn't say shit to him. That is a huge isse I have really. I feel like she is inconsistent in disciplining her kids and it leads to them never fucking listening and just doing wtf they want. But that is very hard to deal with. As I've mentioned the stealing etc etc.
Work went by quick at least, even today went by fast at least.
When I got home I started going through all my old relics of the past. I keep a "chest" of old things friends have given me over the years, letters, sentimental things. I enjoy reading old love letters the most I think. Really highlights the fact that people are so full of shit (myself included.) You will read some of the fakest shit ever from people you really thought cared if you read over old letters. No wonder I don't trust anyone.
Naturally after having a shitty day I started drinking. Then I was drinking while reading that shit and just the right mood I suppose. I started to feel like I was gonna hurt myself. And A: I don't wanna do that anymore. B: I can't afford to be hospitalized etc, and I would lose my job. I drank like 10 beers in 3 hours and took 7 valium and kinda blacked out. Like to the point Amanda shaved my head and I don't fucking remember it happening. Was nice surprise when I woke up though. I apologized as soon as I woke because most people are dicks when they blackout.
Apparently I didn't do anything bad except try to shave my head and so she stopped me and did it for me (thank god.) All she told me I did beside that was cry at her and self criticize myself a lot. Could have gone worse I guess.
Today was rough though just feeling hungover.
Sunday after I wrote my last post I just laid in the dark under a cover for the rest of the day and getting high and being depressed af.
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